Britain In The Crapper
A new poll indicates that Great Britain is fast becoming a shithole. According to International Living magazine, which has been ranking various countries’ livability via its Quality of Life Index for 30 years, the UK is now just the 25th-best place to live in the world, trailing hideous nightmare nations like Hungary, Uruguay and the Czech Republic. “The UK is associated with a dismal climate, soaring crime rate and cost of living, congested roads and equally overcrowded cities,” complains the Daily Mail. And then there’s the food, which I’ve heard is terrible. And of course there’s Amy Winehouse who represents not only a major health hazard but also downgrades the whole place aesthetically. At least Brits can be happy that they appear to have gotten rid of Russell Brand, who has been chasing Katy Perry around the world for months, and is now set to marry the bitch. But, you still have Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow…and Ricky Gervais and those hideous royals of yours, who you insist on not guillotining.
In case you’re wondering, France is #1 on the list – of course, because Carla Bruni blew the judges – while the US ranks 7th, behind Luxembourg and New Zealand, but still ahead of Canada – fuck you Canada!!! – and Italy and Finland. Clearly, whoever made out this index decided to be merciful and leave Detroit, Houston and Iowa out of the accounting. Otherwise the US would be down closer to Costa Rica and Mali.
